Emotional Toolbox
Alain de Botton stole my idea. Ok, he didn’t really. I didn’t know I had the idea until he gave it a name in this article: my music ‘emotional toolbox’. But he did more than that; somehow he actually knew what I’ve got inside MY toolbox!
Grief is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes you want to feel it. Sometimes it brings you back to a place that’s nice. Like a pleasant recurring dream. You know it’s not real but there are places it can take you. It can pluck the strings, sound chords, make music. For a short while. And sometimes the tears and emotions stirred by these thoughts, these beliefs, feel ok.
“Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream” (I Grieve – Peter Gabriel)
(Actually if I’m reading the article properly it looks like Mr Gabriel coined the ’emotional toolbox’ term himself).
So my go-to music emotional toolbox is comprised solely of Peter Gabriel’s music. A set of songs carefully (though also randomly without intent) curated over the last few years since Mary first had her bike accident. It’s expanded slightly, I’ve changed the versions every now and then; but overall the music I’ve used to trigger emotions is unchanged. This makes it sound slightly more clinical that it actually is. It’s the music I use to scratch the itch.
The tracks take me from grief and loss (I Grieve), through love (In Your Eyes) some despair but end in determination (Don’t Give Up) and hope and something like a power to change ourselves into the people we are inspired to be (Solsbury Hill).
Most of the song versions I listen to come from his New Blood album. Released in 2011, I first heard it in 2012 in a PA Hospital cafe waiting for Mary to finish an appointment. On this album he’s rearranged the pieces with orchestral backing, replete with African rhythms and themes. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to these songs. While running, while sitting alone at night, while picking kids’ crap off the floors, while writing these words.
I could bore you all with the lyrics that I’ve decided mean something to me in almost every song, but here are the highlights.
I Grieve – Up. It’s like he wrote this song for me. Alain de Botton’s words cover it nicely. The way this song traverses the heavy sadness to the reality of everyday where life carries on and on and on… And then back again to the final lyrics above (“did I dream this belief…”), is brilliant.
In Your Eyes – New Blood. Pulsing strings and African “heys”. The favourite.
Darkness – New Blood. A reminder…
“I own my fears,
so they don’t own me”
Don’t give Up – New Blood. Sevara Nazarkhan bests Kate Bush and I like the way the song title turns mantra at the end.
Solisbury Hill – Live Blood. I’ve subbed in the live version here because at the end the orchestra throws in references to Beethoven’s 9th and I can’t listen to it without smiling. The final verse has to be my favourite of all his lyrics.
Anyway I’m sharing this not because I’m on a mission to turn people into Peter Gabriel fans, but because my kids may mutiny if I don’t give these songs an extended rest. Do you have a music emotional toolbox? What do you use to scratch the emotional itch?… If you have one.
I’m a dad to the awesome Harry and Cara, a widower, and a learner; slowly attempting a fools errand to make sense of the world, and writing about the thoughts and ideas that pop into my head along the way.
WOW! The power of music
Music does something to our brains that no other stimulus can. A recent Catalyst program – Episode 6″ Music on the brain” shows the power of music to stimulate emotion and memory and discusses its growing use in the treatment of Dementia, Brain injury etc. This is not directly related to Grief but you can watch the program on ABC iview for another week. I have long regretted not thinking about using music when my dad was rendered unable to communicate after a severe stroke many years ago. I have not been familiar with Peter Gabriel but will delve into his music and lyrics. Thank you Trent.
Love … Mum
Probably my fav singer / song writer Trent! Music triggers memories and emotions. And I always thought Peter Gabriel’s lyrics (and music) captured ‘that feeling’ perfectly.
How have we failed to share this info over coffees?
I haven’t listened to Elvis since Dad died, didn’t think I could do it, hearing that croon & dissolving into that now-familiar lost-child state of anger, confusion & loneliness. I did for the first time last week. The joy it filled me with was indescribable! Maybe it will bring me to my knees next time, but at least I know the King can’t break me every time. (Which is handy, cause he’s pretty ubiquitous!)
I bought all of Peter Gabriel’s solo work after he left Genesis. He’s a fave of mine too …obviously. However I turn to ballads by the Alan Parsons Project whenever I reflect on past loved ones.
Nice. Thanks Stuart. Been listening to the Alan Parsons Project this afternoon now 🙂
I wrote out a really long comment and lost it all…?
Short version… music is awesome, very emotive. I have some toolboxes too.
Darn! Long version was way better.
Thanks Justin. We’ll have to catch up soon to discuss. Now there’s two things on the agenda: how to think like Mr Taleb and music toolboxes!
Thanks Trent. Will definitely have a listen to the new blood album. When reflection is called for I turn on The Ghost of Rockschool by Belle and Sebastian.
Hey Matt, I was talking to Justin Winter only a few months ago and he got me listening to Belle and Sebastian. You’ll be pleased to know they’re on now as I’m sitting here (momentarily distracted) once again trying to pull together a study report for an IPR (remember those days!!).